No this isn’t a touching, heartwarming, overcoming illness story. I’m too blessed and cynical to be sharing that. So I either baited you with a potentially touching headline or you wonder if this could possibly be a post about my butt.
If you chose Door #2 … WINNER!
In the tradition of my beloved oversharing endearing personality trait, this is a story about my benign fatty tumor on the very bottom part of my where my left butt cheek meets my thigh. I will spare you the visual (but click on this useful Wikipedia page if you want to see photos of these tumors – only if you have a strong stomach).
Let’s just say that since I’ve had kids (two boys 15 months apart, woot woot!), Victoria’s Secret hasn’t been calling me to do any runway shows or print ads.
I’ve had this “growth” (that’s a disgusting word, let’s just call it Carl) since at least I was pregnant with my oldest or at least that’s when I noticed it as that’s not a place I generally look at!
I found creative ways to hide Carl during bathing suit season, purchasing cute “boy” shorts which either made me look like I was ready for a sand volleyball game at any time…
…or like I was trying to bring back old-fashioned bathing suits:
So out of vanity I suppose, I went to my dermatologist and pleaded for help to get it removed. One look at it and she said Carl’s dimensions were beyond a simple in-office procedure and referred me to a surgeon.
Oh yeah and because of its location, I’d have to sit on some sort of post-op inflatable cushion to avoid messing up the incision.
What’s a girl to do?
Based on my (lack of) medical degree, I decided losing weight was the only way to help (and of course every other issue I had). Even though I wasn’t even sure there was a connection between a gross tumor and the number I saw on the scale.
After nearly a year of Crossfit and 5 months on Paleo, when I put on my non-boy short bathing suit for a quick swim with my boys at the beach, it was HIDDEN by my REGULAR bathing suit bottoms. I’m no longer a freak!
So – again by my extensive medical investigation skills – it’s obvious either:
- I lost enough weight to make it smaller
- All those front squats, power cleans and lunges at the gym made my butt taller (is that a thing? higher?)
- The cellulite all got together one day to kick out that weird stickey-outey thing and force it to be concave like God intended thighs/butts to be covered in
Or all of the above.
But at least now I have the option to play sand volleyball like this.
Minus the tan, nice hair and abs.
Enough oversharing… back to work, on my overhead squats and toes to bar of course.